Gambler's Help

Hi when I met my partner 3 years ago I knew he had had a gambling problem but didn't really realise the extent. I knew other than rent he didn't seem to have much money, earlier this year he won $10000 and then blew it that was my first real glimpse. He vowed to do anything and I believed him. Now I am four months pregnant and have 3 boys of my own it seems to have come to the fore just what is going on. He has stopped joining in family things with us and lies to me(which I hate). I have control of his account but have given him money when he asks and I know that most of it goes on pokies.Its just before xmas and he went to the bank and took $800 and blew it. I feel unimportant and really don't know what to do.My ex husband was an alcoholic and I really don't want to be broke and emotionally drained like then. He thinks he is not too bad because he has no debt but we have no financial future!!help, I know he has to do it for himself but can it really work? He was a wonderful man I just want him back before its too late.

I am 24 years old and both of my parents have been gambling since I was three when a pokies venue opened in my community. I didn't have much of a childhood because my parents were never around and when they were, they weren't really there or constantly fighting. My older sister is now severely depressed from their issues being passed on and having to look after us and I have become self destructive with my life, mirroring my mothers behavior. Credit cards and loans have skyrocketed for my parents, my dad had a heart attack and wont work, leaving my mum to carry all the pressure herself making the addiction worse. The worst part is, my dad will not admit he has a problem because he only gambles when he's with my mum saying if he doesn't she'll get angry. My mum doesn't drive though and so he drives her there all the time. I've seen her break down so many times from throwing all of her pay away or spending my dads pay on payday before he got home. No food for groceries or school books, just cigarettes. They even took my money I got as gifts. One time, they left my brother and I as kids in the car for an entire day while they gambled and we hid on the floor of the car from passers by. We were only a two minute drive from home. Now that I'm an adult, my parents act like I had a normal childhood and don't aknowledge there's an issue at all, even after 20 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. I try and refrain from getting angry now. I've tried to help them manage their money and get them into counselling but it doesn't work. I'm afraid my siblings and I will be burdened by their issues and finances for the rest of our lives. Its tough when you have one gambler in the family, its impossible when there is two. [....]

My son [name given], has a gambling problem, he is 26 at the moment and he claims he goes to work but, his work mates say he's not at work, We asked him if he gambles and he keeps on denying, we also looked at his bank account, and we told him off for being a liar.
He still not accept any therapy/treatment, can someone please help me, try and help my son, we fear for the worst!

Despair, self-disgust, insecurity, fear, powerlessness.
I am a 35 year old guy. I have a psychology degree and a diploma in the medical field. I had no experience with any form of gambling before I sat down in front of a pokie machine in my local pub 3 years ago. I put $20 in the slot and pressed buttons at random, not knowing how the machines operated. On that fateful day I won a significant amount of money. It seemed so easy and was a euphoric sensation, I had won, my bills could now be paid, I could get my wife that new car, put several thousand in the kid's trust fund. I was elated.
That was March 2008. This evening I find myself divorced, living away from my children, in a boarding house, unemployed and on medication for depression. I believe the primary cause of my decline has been an addiction to pokie machines. What I read in the above accounts from many, many individuals echoes my own experience. The devastation wrought by these gambling machines, in so many different spheres of life, is horrific. Once gambling addiction takes hold, once the claws are in, this thing crushes you. It takes everything you valued, your family, self-respect, dignity, and tears them all to shreds. It is a destroyer of lives.
I thank all those who have chronicled their struggles with this problem [...].

Being the partner of a gambler can be both stressful and heartbreaking. His gambling had begun well before I was on the scene and he hid it well. After us having a break because I could not cope with the lies anymore, he went for help and after a while we got back together. To cut a long story short, we married and not long after I realised he had still been gambling (using his tax return was what I now realised, for his annual big binge at the casino) along with the other means of getting more money such as hocking things through out the year.

I have now turned into a nervous wreck wondering when I come home from work, will the lights be out - this simple situation would not be of concern to the average partner, but to me, alarm bells ring as I worry whether he has gone to the casino. I become suspicious and have been known to check the history files on the computer to see if he has been gambling online. He occupies my brain...and not in a good way. The mental health problem becomes contagious.. to both the gambler and the family.

I hide a lot of the pain I go through from most of my family as I don't want them to think badly of him. The few family members that do know are sympathetic and good listeners whilst I sob down the phone. It's so important to have someone to talk to during those difficult times - whether it be a family member, a friend, a phone-in counsellor, etc. It helps save a smidgen of my sanity whilst I am waiting for him to come home in the early hours of the morning or whilst looking through our red letter bills at the financial damage his last gambling binge has made.

I guess, my message is really to say to my partner and any others with a similar problem is ...Please wake up! Don't damage your life and the lives of those who love you. Look at what you could have had if you hadn't gambled away all that money and possessions and don't think it is too late to start afresh. I believe we only have one life so grab it with both hands and make it a successful one. Get the help of a professional to guide and support you and your family through it all. (Thankfully, there are some organisations out there that can offer the support free of charge, which is wonderful as, being the partner of a gambler, we could not afford to get the help otherwise.)

I will stick by my partner and encourage him to get all the help he needs to break free of this habit. Of course, that is, unless my sanity starts to be taken away and if so I will have to move on to save myself.

Good luck with each of your journeys and thanks for listening - it is a much appreciated release to be able to share this with you.

Hi I am Assur and I am 40 years old. I got married 12 years ago. For the past 11 years I had a very successful [business] where I would make a minimum of 5k per week and I bought a house when I got married and drove luxury cars and always had heaps of money. After my marriage I think I felt depressed and started playing the poker machines very often. As a result My wife and my child and I are renting as the bank took possession of my house due to not paying my mortgage. I had just finished renovating the house to the way we wanted it and the bank auctioned it for very close to what it owed. I no longer drive a nice car and lost my cleaning contract due to not paying my staff wages on time and they complained to the contract provider and the took the contract off me and gave it to someone else. I am in over 50k credit card debts as I had a substantial income the banks were very generous with providing credit cards. I have no house I have a 1998 model car and my wife is stressed out many days counting coins to pay for her groceries. In the past we only ever shopped once a month as we always walked out with 2 trolley loads. Now she has to go daily spending 30 to 50 dollars each time. I am in trouble with the taxation department due to not paying my staff the correct rate of pay and not paying taxes all due to my gambling habit. This may not sound very real to you reading this but this is entirety true Please please for Christ sake listen to to me this is true and I am so depressed I don't know why I do it and dot know why my wife has not divorced me yet but that's the next thing I will lose and then I may as well kill myself. Dont play the pokies they are worse than taking drugs they ruin lives!!!

I have been gambling for a good 4 to 5 years. In that time I have lost everything. My fiancé and I are battling through this. . It's the worst kept secret to keep and when you finally confess it's an amazing relief. I sometimes have wanted to kill myself . I have used every dirty trick in the book in covering this addiction . I'm starting tomorrow councelling and it's fair to say I am scared , but at the same time ready . Everyone out there who has this addiction just stop . It's the worst thing . Seek help and first tell your most love ones so they know. Wish I could change time .! You can't . We can make future time better and die normally . With pride and peace .

I am just writing this to get it out to the world, it might help me but I am going to change, even though ive said it often this is it.

im only 20, i have a 4000 credit card debt. I have tried to pay it back but everytime i do i take it out and gamble it.

It has to stop, 4000 is only the face value, not to mention all the paycheques I have which go straight in.

Ive lied, cheat and stolen countless dollars. Its all for nothing.

I will stop my addiction with the support of myself alone.

I dont care if i pay the $100 minimum monthly balance for 4 years, ill pay it back.

Hey guys, my mother is in a spot of bother from gamling and alcohol abuse, while my dad has been working interstate on mines, she has somehow, re morgaged the houses, shifted money from my dads accounts to her and put it all into the pokies.

it mounts up to nearly $300,000 and my dad is devorcing her and threating legal action, is there somone she can goto for help? somone who can tell her what sort of punishment will be issued if he does this and what she should do to fix it.

thankyou very much.

B

Hi I am 18 and my first time in a casino was on my birthday. The first time it was just to see what it was like because I've always been curious. It wasn't a problem at first. After that I'd go every now and then with friends. It was the last couple days that I started to think I may have a problem. After a visit to the casino I wasn't satisfied so I signed up to an online blackjack site and began playing. I started off with $30 at first then I won almost $500 and within a short time after that I lost it all. I thoguht I'd just make another $30 deposit... then after that it became a $40 deposit.. After that I was really bummed out about it. I didn't understand why I couldn't stop. I don't think it was the money, I think it was just about winning.

Today I went to the casino again. I had a big win but then all the money I won I just gambled it away again. When I got home I did some searches on the internet and found this site. I sat here and read through all of the stories. It just makes me sad how horrible gambling is. I realise how young I am and it's not too late to stop this. Thank you all who are brave enough to share your stories.

HI I AM 48 AND I HAVE BEEN GAMBLING FOR 25YEARS. WE HAD A TEMINALLY ILL DAUGHTER WHO PASSED AWAY LAST YEAR. SINCE THEN I HAVE SYOPPED GAMBLING AND HAVE REVEALED EVERYTHING TO MY WIFE. TYPICAL GAMBLER, DO NOT PAY BILLS ALWAYS GOT EXCUSES WHY. I WASTED OUR SAVINGS AND CHILDREN'S MONEY ALSO. SINCE REVEALING EVERYTHING TO MY WIFE, SHE HAS BUILT THIS MASSIVE WALL BETWEEN US AND I AM FINDING IT VERY HERD TO COPE. I REALLY LOVE MY WIFE AND I WANT TO SHOW HER THAT I REALLY CARE AND THAT I CAN CHANGE. I NEED SOME SORT OF HELP, BUT NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START. I PRAY EVERY DAY AND ASK MY LATE DAUGHTER FOR HELP. HOPING EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR MYSELF AND EVERYONE FINDING THEMSELVES IN THIS POSITION.

My bf's mother is constantly at the club for hours on end, yet the family don't seem to mind the gambling, just the staying at the club late and leaving is unsafe! I brought to their attention how much $ she must be going through. She often manipulates my bf saying she is a bit down, and he is silly to give her money to play. She always has a handful of meal vouchers you can draw out after putting so much money in the machines. Would anyone know how much you would have to put in a machine to get say a $15 meal voucher at the rsl club.I can see how gambling can put a strain on any relationship, i dont want a bf who is going to financially support a addicted mother because he feels sorry for her.

I ran up a sizeable debt on my credit card through gambling at an online sports bookie. After sitting back and assessing my situation, I took out a loan, paid off my credit card, reduced the limit to a very small one and closed my online account. HOWEVER... despite the friendly chap at the bank saying to me "yes, we'll take care of that for you, your limit has been reduced and you'll be able to see it when you next log on to netbank" .... AND .... the betting agency replying to my email confirming that my account had been closed ..... NEITHER of these were done. I soon realised that I could still access my betting account AND had quite a bit of credit to play with. Regrettably, i soon found myself back in the same situation - with the addition of the loan. I realise that this is my fault and I feel like an idiot for letting myself get in to that position again, but does anyone know if the bank or the betting agency have any sort of committment to their customers to in fact carry out the requests? I can't help but feel that had my betting account been closed and my credit card limit been reduced, I would not be in this situation.

I would appreciate responses from anyone that has had anything similar happen to them or any advice as to whether I have a case against the bank or bookie.

Thanks

I have been addicted to the pokies for about fifteen years, and like those above me, it has completely ruined my life! Where once I had a loving secure marriage, a wonderful home and family (not to mention self respect) I now have none of those. I live a life of perpetual poverty...never having enough food, bills overdue, borrowing or stealing from those I love...the guilt, the shame and the feeling of hopelessness is a never ending cycle that I just can't seem to stop. I'm intelligent, creative, kind and fun and yet none of that matters in the face of this addiction...

Hello im 28 and have a pokie addiction ive been going since over 10 years ever since i turned 18 would go now n then but i go often these days i just found them fun playing the pokies and atm i just cant stop going i need help badly and every bit of money i get just goes in a machine i cant pay off bills etc as of this addiction i have no money and its hurting my love ones and friends aswell i just wish they would get rid of the machines as ill then save n wont have any problems im scard that my bf or family might leave me as of this problem

My husband (42) is gambling since he was 18. Since we got married he was gambling but he's never facing that he has a problem. He's in debt and he is gampling at least 2-3 times a week large sums of money. He denies that he has a problem, he is lying all the time and many times he is going to work just to gamble. We had days when we didn't had food in the house because he gambled until the last penny. We suffer because he is not mature enough to face that is is an addictive gambler.
His first marriage ended after 5 years because of his gambling. Eventually my marriage will end up in divorce also. Right now I don't have money or any place to go until I finish school, but as soon I am done with school, I will take my kids and leave him. I am sick of it.

i'm 24 an have had a pokie addiction basicly since i was introduced to them when i was 18. Every bit of money i get it always seems to be put through a machine i cant help it, pokies are all i think about. I hurt everyone around me by doing this and i always have no money by doing this. Most recently I have been kicked out of home for lying about where my money has gone to my dad My mum gave me $20 for petrol and I went straight to the pokies with it... I'm hurting me, my family and friends...

I wish I knew the answer to how we can get them to see the harm that is happening. My 67 year old mother has in the last 6 months taken up gambling, she stopped for a while but it's back with a vengance. when we try to talk to her about it she say's it her money but poor dad is left with paying all the bills and he's at his wits end....