Resources to help professionals identify problem gambling clients and respond to their needs.
Parents
When a parent has an issue with their gambling
When a parent has an issue with their gambling it can change the way that those in the family feel about each other and themselves. It can also change the way you live.
Young people might experience:
- Missing out on activities such as sport, school excursions, camps or music lessons
- Not being able to buy new clothes or shoes when they're needed
- Not having enough food to eat
- Having to take on more of the "adult" responsibilities in the home, such as looking after younger children
- Increased arguments and tension in the home
- Family violence
- Family breakdown
- Homelessness
Young people might feel:
- A loss of trust because of lies, secrets and broken promises
- Unhappy because of arguments about gambling and money problems
- Loss of self-esteem
- Different to friends or isolated from them
- Ashamed, angry, lonely, powerless, guilty
What help is available?
It can be hard when someone close to you has a problem with gambling. Sometimes you will know that the cause of the problem is gambling, or you might just have a sense that "something is wrong", but you're not quite sure what to say or do about it.
You could think about talking to:
- A friend or family member
- Your doctor
- A teacher or student welfare coordinator
- A youth worker or social worker at a community health centre
- Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 FREECALL, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
- Gambler's Help: 1800 858 858 FREECALL, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
- Gambling Help online, at www.gamblinghelponline.org.au, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
If someone in your family has a gambling problem, remember:
- You are not to blame for their behaviour
- The gambling is the problem, not the person
- You can't force your family member to stop
- You can tell someone you trust about what's happening. This is not betraying your family
- You can help by saying "No" to gambling and lying, and "Yes" I care about you
- You have the right to feel safe
- You have the right to feel emotionally and financially secure
Gambler's Help is free, confidential and won't appear on your home phone bill. Call 1800 56 789 or visit www.gamblinghelponline.org.au for help and advice now.
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I have just finished reading all the comments posted below. It makes me sad to read them as it is exactly how I have been feeling and what I have been experiencing. My Mum is a problem gambler. She denies it and becomes aggressive when I tell her she has a problem. She doesn't answer phone calls when shes at the club. This month we were $600 short on our bills because she gambled her money away. She comes home late, misses out on appointments, bribes us by bringing home gifts or food and then goes out again until 4 am. I get so disappointed and heart broken every time I check up on my parents bed in the middle of the night just to find her side of the bed empty. I spend most of my nights crying because we're so in debt. I'm sick of explaining to my friends why my mum is never home. I'm so ashamed to have a gambler for a mother. I have lost all love for her ever since she became like this. She is so different, so aggressive, so money driver, so delusional. She said to me, "Do you think I'm doing this for fun? Its a skill and its the only way I can earn money". Shes officially become insane and I just wish she was a normal mother who stayed at home, cooked, cleaned and didn't gamble our money away.
...My mothers out right now, shes been out since 9 this morning my brothers swimming lesson started an hour ago and he isn't there. His at home in his swimmers waiting, with me, waiting for our mother who always seems to be the responsible, reliable one. The one who's been there to cook us dinner, teach us math and tuck us up in bed. But now, shes gone, shes been gone for ages, for years, and until now I never thought she actually had such a big problem. Just because your family is well off doesn't mean its okay to let her go and have her "fun time" while we wait helplessly at home for the mother who should be here, for the mother who should have taken her son to his swimming lesson, for the mother who should be at home.
But instead shes at the casino, gambling away her worries, her fears.
While her children are at home...waiting desperately, hopelessly for the mother they once had, to return.
My mom is a gambler. She regularly lies and hides things from the family. I've noticed that she and my dad really love overly dramatic things, like watching game shows and murders on tv. She even goes to Vegas from time to time. I once pointed out to her that she spends more money than she wins and that "the house always wins" but that didn't stop her behaviours.
I think that one of the worst parts for me is the feeling of insecurity that comes from feeling like there is no security with her - everything is a bet. In fact, she even used to bet on me and my sister's heads, attempting to predict the outcomes of our behaviors. I can't begin to explain how horrible this has been and how it has wreaked havoc in my own life.
My mom has a huge gambling problem. She'd always take the little money that she does have and use it for that saying she may get luck but yet she comes back empty handed... Leaving me a 14 yr old without things that i need.. she'll also spend my money and says she'll pay me back but she never does. She also get money from other people so she can go gambling with she tells them for other reasons. i wonder why do they still have gambling legal knowing that people can get hooked on it. She do the same to my older sisters as well. but ium the only child home so i get left without things that i need... She says shes getting stressed thats why. when i tell her to stop or that shes addicted to it she either tell me to shut up or try to deny it.. im much smarter than her so i can figure out things faster than she thinks.
You cannot force someone to stop gambling, thats fine.
But when my friend's three kids are now living on the street, I have to think 'I am not the problem' That is stupidity.... Good stuff, [venue name] welcomes both parents with open arms every week.
Self exclusion is the only way to ban them. Like that is going to happen!!!!
Thanks for your help problemgambling.vic.gov.au, what a country we live in!
cool
My mum has a gambling problem she has for years now and has got herself into debt. I have tried to talk about it but it ends up in an arguement. Us kids have got her to go to gamblers help which did help for awhile and I don't think she is going as much but I know she still spends more than she should and can afford to. I am not really sure what else I can do.
My mom has a problem with gambling. It started out in the legal way - share market trading. Her broker allowed her to trade on margin - meaning she borrowed money to speculate on the stock market. She has no understanding of risk - and loved to bet on the penny stocks. Initially she made a lot of money then she lost it all. I bailed her out in a big way by selling my investment property to cover her losses and to save the family house. She promised to stop but refused to sign any legal paperwork to give me power of attorney or to transfer the family home to my name. Bad mistake. Initially she was ok. Then she went overseas for a family wedding. One of her brothers, my uncles took her to a casino for fun. It went downhill from then on. She still refuses to admit she has a problem and does not want to see a counselor or psychiatrist - claiming that's for "crazy people only". I am now at the point of simply abandoning her and letting the inevitable happen. She refuses to spend any money to repair the family home - but is quite happy to lose $1000 a day at the casino. I don't understand how she could have degenerated so badly - she rants and complains bitterly when I buy free range eggs or quality meat or go on a nice holiday. But she doesn't see her absurd sense of logic. I give up.
My mum has a gambling problem. She takes money from me and my brothers and sister to go out, claiming that she has no money for fuel for work. I guess the thing that hurts the most is the constant lying, even when i have confronted her about her lies she will not back down. I feel like the adult in our relationship always wanting to know where she has been and what she spends the money on.
Only me and my sister seem to care enough to want her to change, which is hard because she wont do anything because she wont admit there is a problem.
I feel that she doesnt care about me because no matter how much concern or worry i express nothing seems to be changing.
my parents have a gambling addiction. They don't tell me but i know. It started a year ago but before that we were a happy family. It was perfect. Now I hate my life. They're out right now. They've been out every night. Tonight was the first time I actually confronted them about their addiction. Managed to stall them for 30 minutes but then they left. Just needed to express my feelings in a safe manner. I have no one else to turn to.
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