Resources to help professionals identify problem gambling clients and respond to their needs.
Is there an issue?
How do you know if someone close to you has an issue with gambling?
People gamble for many reasons - for excitement, the thrill of winning or to be social. Gambling becomes an issue when it causes harm to the gambler and those close to them. Usually this means they are spending more money or time on gambling than they can afford.
Here are some signs to look out for:
Money related signs
- Unexplained debt or borrowing
- Money/assets disappearing
- Numerous loans
- Unpaid bills/disconnection notices
- Lack of food in the house
- Losing wallets/money regularly
- Missing financial statements
- Secret bank accounts/loans/credit cards
Interpersonal issues
- Moodiness, unexplained anger
- Depression
- Decreased contact with friends
- Family complaints about being emotionally shut out
- Avoidance of social events
- Control and/or manipulation
- Secretiveness about activities
- Manipulation by threat, lies or charm
Time related signs
- Disappearing for amounts of time that they cannot account for
- No time for everyday activities
- Overuse of sick days and days off
- Use increasing amounts of time to study gambling
- Taking an unusual amount of time for tasks (eg taking two hours to get milk from the corner store)
Control and/or manipulation
- Secretiveness about activities
- Secret bank accounts/loans/ credit cards
- Manipulation by threat, lies or charm
How you can help: TALK ABOUT IT
The best way to find out if someone has a gambling problem is to ask. You cannot predict how they will react, but you can let them know you are asking because you care about them. Try to discuss this in an honest and non-confrontational way.
It may help to talk about what you have noticed: “You seem worried and you are spending a lot of time at the club”; and how you feel: “I am worried that you may be having a problem with gambling”.
Some people may be relieved to talk about their gambling; others may feel so ashamed and guilty, that they are unable to talk about it. Some may get very angry or deny that they have a problem with gambling.
- Say NO to problem gambling and lying and YES, I care about you.
- Even if they deny they have a problem you can provide them with information about where to get help.
- It is important to protect yourself financially and emotionally from any harm that may arise from problem gambling.
- Try to keep the lines of communication open and focussed on the problem.
- If you find the discussions aggressive, circular or hurtful take a break and agree on another time to resume the discussion.
You can call the Gambler's Help line (1800 858 858), or go to www.gamblinghelponline.org.au to talk about how you plan to approach your family member or friend. The Gambler’s Help line and Gambling Help Online are staffed by professional counsellors and can provide immediate, free and confidential help 24 hours a day.
You might also like to watch the true story of Dianne, who tells her very real and very personal account of her husband’s gambling problem, and how with the assistance of Gambler’s Help, or, of Robert, who tells his story of how he discovered his wife had been gambling, and how, with the help of counselling they were able to overcome the problem and repair the damage gambling had done to their family.
Do you need professional help?
It is important to protect yourself financially and emotionally from any harm that may arise from problem gambling should it continue.
You have the right to feel safe, and emotionally and financially secure. If taking action puts your safety or the safety of others at risk you may need professional help.
You may need to put some emotional and physical distance between yourself and the problem gambler. This may be distressing and you may need to cease or dramatically change your relationship with the problem gambler. This may only be for a short time, or it may be permanent.
If you are starting to experience overwhelming sadness, anxiety or anger then seeking professional help may be a good idea. Talking to a professional who understands problem gambling will help you regain perspective and explore your options.
Counselling or self-help groups can assist you in making decisions regarding your relationship. You may find relationship counselling and mediation a safer alternative for discussing problems and seeking solutions, especially if there is a breakdown of communication between you and the problem gambler.
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Further to my previous comments. Like the readers above,my mums rude too, her house is unclean also. I am about to wipe my hands off her as I can not (for my own health & wellbeing) give her anymore of my energy. She has broken my heart time and time again and she will continue to do so. For years my dad never believed me when I told him about her and that too was heart breaking. I know she is gambling again but I am reluctatnt to tell my dad because the pain is still there from all those times he didn't believe me. My partner and I have been struggling financially for the past year or so & I just know she will use this to her advantage. She will probably tell my dad that I have borrowed the money & not paid it back and my dad will most likely believe her as she is a master manipulater. For along time I hoped and prayed for her but now I have to let her go.
HI, my mum has been gambling for about 15years now and it is terrible. She has lied to everyone. When I was still living at home she covered up her gambling by telling my dad and my older sister that I had been borrowing money of her and that she had taken out a store card for me & I never paid the bill. Not only was this all absolute rubbish but I had to pay my mum board and pay a utility account. She used to call me up at work and ask for money. When I tried to tell my dad he didnt believe me. Sadly this is not the worst of it. Over the years my mum has taken out many loans,credit cards and borrowed substantial amounts of money from family & friends. She had a post office box so my dad wouldnt see her mail (loans, credit card statements etc)She has taken money out of birthday cards meant for my sister, me and my 2 nephews She has lied & said we never got the cards. She has lied and said she has lost her purse. My sister and went through her house and found cards addressed to us torn open, the pusre she supposedly lost and much more. The worst was when my dad was working away & earning really good money. She blew about $70,000 in a few months! she tried to cover this up by setting paper on fire on the kitchen table & then telephoning me crying saying "there has been a fire & all the money your dad has earnt has been burnt" I asked what she was talking about & she said that she had withdrawn my dads money to surprise him when he got home& that she must not have put her smoke out properly and all the money has caught on fire! after this my dad didnt let her have access to money etc. But for the past year she has full access agaim.She has had to do a debt agreement to pay of all her debts. She has pawned all her jewellery. She has had counselling multiple times but she never sees it through. She is so selfish.I have had enough, for 15 years my own mum has used & abused me.She told horrible lies about me. I can not take it any more. Its like she doesn't want help. She enjoys going to the pokies and she enjoys the attention she gets (harsh but, true) good or bad. She has caused me & my family so much hurt & pain. For along time I too just wanted my mum back but I came to the realisation sometime ago that, that aint going to happen. She isnt that person anymore. I myself have suffered depression and had a problem with substance abuse. I wonder why? Thanks mum!
Ever since I meet my now husband he has had something to do with gambling. I didnt realise to what extent it as until I helped him pay his car loan off twice, and his credit card a number of times. All I wanted was to start from scratch, a clean slate for a new life. I must have been dreaming. Now we have a young one, I have taken away his financial freedom, and he still manages to let me down. Whether it is lying to me about going to the doctors, so he can get money, taking money from my purse, and even taking all the small change out of the money box. I have even had to go change my pin numbers on all accounts because we missed the mortgage repayments when he took my card without me knowing. I have really had enough of it all, and really not sure what I can do to make him realise what he is doing to us
My husband has been a gambler for 10 years. In the past he has spent the money meant for bills at the TAB instead. He even once took the money from petty cash at work & gambled that away too. He has maxed out his credit card to play at the TAB. His son from his first marriage will be with us for the weekend - and my husband will disappear down the shops for a couple of hours, leaving me to make excuses for him.Numerous times, I have had to purchase the groceries on my credit card as he has taken out the maximum daily amount from our account to spend at the TAB. He has gone to the shop to pick up groceries and returned hours later - with no groceries and no money.I have had him literally crying on my shoulder asking for help - only for him to turn around the next day and say he doesn't have a problem. He has promised countless times to stop going then will treat it like some joke. Sometimes he seems to control it, sometimes not.I now handle all the finances so we at least have some sort of security, but I hate it. That I am forced to act like his mother, giving him lunch and travel money... It breaks my heart that I cannot trust the man I married to do the right thing....
My mother has been gambling for as long as I can remember, 6 years ago it came to a head when she blew her retirement payout of 120K in 6 months. It was from this time on that she decided not to celebrate Christmas and will not buy presents for her own grandchildren (all 15 of them). Although she recived counselling she has never stopped. She recently recieved a second payout (retiring for the second time as she had no money to gamble with so she went back to work) she recieved approx 120k again, and will probably make this money last 6 months again to fund her addiction to the pokies. Like the reader above, we have bascially given up as she refuses to admit that she has a problem. I have tried to talk to her about it but she just abuses me and then wont talk to me for months. If she could only understand that the damage she is doing to the relationships with not only my Dad but her 7 children. As a single mother and doing my best working two jobs to provide for my children, I am sickened at the amount of money she has thrown away. I sometimes put petrol in her car for her so she can get to her medical appointments but refuse to give her any money. The funny thing is I don't really care about how much money she decided to throw away, I just want my Mum back, you know that one that used to be so loving and always there for you. Instead we are all faced to put up with a bitter, angry and toxic person who hates everything and everyone around her. I have decided that I have done as much as I can and need to start looking after myself, she is in denial and sadly may stay that way. even though I help her as much as I can, I always walk away with my heart in my feet. To top it all off she refuses to buy her grandchildren christmas and birthday presents so she can still afford to gamble. for anyone in the same boat as myself, hang on to hope, as that may be the only thing we have left!
Hi , my mum has been gambling for 16 years, She has previously had help 8 years ago which kind of worked, but the last 2 years she has really fallen into this bad habit very deep. She has lied to us in our face about stealing money from our wallets and purse, and much more. We her children and especially my dad can not handle this anymore, it has got to the point that I don't care about the issue because we are immune d to it, I now have my own family to deal with and need to ensure my husband and i are good. My dad should be retiring at the age of 60 and I am angry hurt and embarrassed about this situation. I have previously spoken to her this week for the final chance to get some help, this is the first time in a long time I tried to make her understand that she is a compulsive gambler. She acknowledged this. But I can not give her the energy and time otherwise i will get sick. She has done very terrible things, stealing from her kids, lying in our faces about where she has been, created family hostility and bitterness between my dad and his brothers,She blames her upbringing and sympathy for her has gone. She has no manners, she doesn't care, the house is a pig sty and I don't like taking my son there to see the bad environment my parents live in. I have a sister who is 18 and still lives there with issues of being raised in a house with a gambler, My older brother and sister know it is wrong but don't know what to do,I am hoping this will help.
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