Is there an issue?
How do you know if someone close to you has an issue with gambling?
People gamble for many reasons - for excitement, the thrill of winning or to be social. Gambling becomes an issue when it causes harm to the gambler and those close to them. Usually this means they are spending more money or time on gambling than they can afford.
Here are some signs to look out for:
Money related signs
- Unexplained debt or borrowing
- Money/assets disappearing
- Numerous loans
- Unpaid bills/disconnection notices
- Lack of food in the house
- Losing wallets/money regularly
- Missing financial statements
- Secret bank accounts/loans/credit cards
Interpersonal issues
- Moodiness, unexplained anger
- Depression
- Decreased contact with friends
- Family complaints about being emotionally shut out
- Avoidance of social events
- Control and/or manipulation
- Secretiveness about activities
- Manipulation by threat, lies or charm
Time related signs
- Disappearing for amounts of time that they cannot account for
- No time for everyday activities
- Overuse of sick days and days off
- Use increasing amounts of time to study gambling
- Taking an unusual amount of time for tasks (eg taking two hours to get milk from the corner store)
Control and/or manipulation
- Secretiveness about activities
- Secret bank accounts/loans/ credit cards
- Manipulation by threat, lies or charm
How you can help: TALK ABOUT IT
The best way to find out if someone has a gambling problem is to ask. You cannot predict how they will react, but you can let them know you are asking because you care about them. Try to discuss this in an honest and non-confrontational way.
It may help to talk about what you have noticed: “You seem worried and you are spending a lot of time at the club”; and how you feel: “I am worried that you may be having a problem with gambling”.
Some people may be relieved to talk about their gambling; others may feel so ashamed and guilty, that they are unable to talk about it. Some may get very angry or deny that they have a problem with gambling.
- Say NO to problem gambling and lying and YES, I care about you.
- Even if they deny they have a problem you can provide them with information about where to get help.
- It is important to protect yourself financially and emotionally from any harm that may arise from problem gambling.
- Try to keep the lines of communication open and focussed on the problem.
- If you find the discussions aggressive, circular or hurtful take a break and agree on another time to resume the discussion.
You can call the Gambler's Help line (1800 858 858), or go to www.gamblinghelponline.org.au to talk about how you plan to approach your family member or friend. The Gambler’s Help line and Gambling Help Online are staffed by professional counsellors and can provide immediate, free and confidential help 24 hours a day.
You might also like to watch the true story of Dianne, who tells her very real and very personal account of her husband’s gambling problem, and how with the assistance of Gambler’s Help, or, of Robert, who tells his story of how he discovered his wife had been gambling, and how, with the help of counselling they were able to overcome the problem and repair the damage gambling had done to their family.
Do you need professional help?
It is important to protect yourself financially and emotionally from any harm that may arise from problem gambling should it continue.
You have the right to feel safe, and emotionally and financially secure. If taking action puts your safety or the safety of others at risk you may need professional help.
You may need to put some emotional and physical distance between yourself and the problem gambler. This may be distressing and you may need to cease or dramatically change your relationship with the problem gambler. This may only be for a short time, or it may be permanent.
If you are starting to experience overwhelming sadness, anxiety or anger then seeking professional help may be a good idea. Talking to a professional who understands problem gambling will help you regain perspective and explore your options.
Counselling or self-help groups can assist you in making decisions regarding your relationship. You may find relationship counselling and mediation a safer alternative for discussing problems and seeking solutions, especially if there is a breakdown of communication between you and the problem gambler.
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My mother has been gambling for as long as I can remember, 6 years ago it came to a head when she blew her retirement payout of 120K in 6 months. It was from this time on that she decided not to celebrate Christmas and will not buy presents for her own grandchildren (all 15 of them). Although she recived counselling she has never stopped. She recently recieved a second payout (retiring for the second time as she had no money to gamble with so she went back to work) she recieved approx 120k again, and will probably make this money last 6 months again to fund her addiction to the pokies. Like the reader above, we have bascially given up as she refuses to admit that she has a problem. I have tried to talk to her about it but she just abuses me and then wont talk to me for months. If she could only understand that the damage she is doing to the relationships with not only my Dad but her 7 children. As a single mother and doing my best working two jobs to provide for my children, I am sickened at the amount of money she has thrown away. I sometimes put petrol in her car for her so she can get to her medical appointments but refuse to give her any money. The funny thing is I don't really care about how much money she decided to throw away, I just want my Mum back, you know that one that used to be so loving and always there for you. Instead we are all faced to put up with a bitter, angry and toxic person who hates everything and everyone around her. I have decided that I have done as much as I can and need to start looking after myself, she is in denial and sadly may stay that way. even though I help her as much as I can, I always walk away with my heart in my feet. To top it all off she refuses to buy her grandchildren christmas and birthday presents so she can still afford to gamble. for anyone in the same boat as myself, hang on to hope, as that may be the only thing we have left!
Hi , my mum has been gambling for 16 years, She has previously had help 8 years ago which kind of worked, but the last 2 years she has really fallen into this bad habit very deep. She has lied to us in our face about stealing money from our wallets and purse, and much more. We her children and especially my dad can not handle this anymore, it has got to the point that I don't care about the issue because we are immune d to it, I now have my own family to deal with and need to ensure my husband and i are good. My dad should be retiring at the age of 60 and I am angry hurt and embarrassed about this situation. I have previously spoken to her this week for the final chance to get some help, this is the first time in a long time I tried to make her understand that she is a compulsive gambler. She acknowledged this. But I can not give her the energy and time otherwise i will get sick. She has done very terrible things, stealing from her kids, lying in our faces about where she has been, created family hostility and bitterness between my dad and his brothers,She blames her upbringing and sympathy for her has gone. She has no manners, she doesn't care, the house is a pig sty and I don't like taking my son there to see the bad environment my parents live in. I have a sister who is 18 and still lives there with issues of being raised in a house with a gambler, My older brother and sister know it is wrong but don't know what to do,I am hoping this will help.
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